dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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