I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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