what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
