im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
