Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
