Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
