A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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