You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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