I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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