I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
