so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
