The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
