the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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