I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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