Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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