I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
