Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
