Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
