if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His nipple licking is glorious
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