i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
