dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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