Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
