she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
