You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
