She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
