did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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