Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
