My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
