Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
