i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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