yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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