There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
please come you make the beer taste better
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
