i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
