Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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