Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
