So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
