If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
