I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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