I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
