Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
id be glad to
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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