He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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