i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
