you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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