This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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