Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
