i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
