I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
