Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I intend to get homeless drunk
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
