You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
