my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
