i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
