How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
