I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
