hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
