If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
