Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
