He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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