I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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