So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
