My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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