I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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