i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
