roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
