I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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