I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
