uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
