god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
