i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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